Stay in your hotel room.
Stare at the ceiling.
Pay for the privilege.
This is the product.
No free tier. No trial. No demo. No exceptions.
Payment collected immediately. Nothing delivered immediately.
All sales are final. No refunds. No appeals. No mercy.
By subscribing you confirm you are paying for nothing
and that nothing is what you will receive.
Terms of Service
·
Better Than the Beach
The product is nothing. Nothing is defined as the complete and total absence of anything. You are buying nothing. Nothing is what exists after payment. The transaction is the product.
Nothing will be delivered. Nothing will be shipped, emailed, downloaded, streamed, mailed, handed, dropped, thought about, or otherwise transferred to you in any form. Delivery is instantaneous and complete upon payment confirmation.
There are no refunds. You received nothing. Nothing was promised. Nothing was delivered. The contract has been fulfilled in its entirety. The matter is closed.
Any dispute regarding the non-delivery of nothing shall be resolved by acknowledging that nothing was owed and nothing was delivered. The dispute is simultaneously filed and dismissed.
Upgrading to a higher tier results in paying more for nothing. Nothing about your nothing will change. You will simply have paid more. This is encouraged.
You may cancel at any time. Upon cancellation you will continue to receive nothing, exactly as before, at no charge. The experience of nothing is free. We simply charge for the subscription to it.
We are not liable for anything, as we have provided nothing. You cannot hold nothing responsible for nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing will happen.